Debunking Relationship Myths

There are a variety of beliefs and perceptions of what a healthy relationship is “supposed” to look like. Much of these are based on movies, TV shows, societal expectations, and etc—however, they aren’t always accurate or realistic. Below are a few, common relationship myths that I often come across and why they may not be necessarily true.

Good relationships don’t have conflict.

This is probably the most common myth I hear. Many people think conflicts are nonexistent in a good or healthy relationship, however this is far from the truth. Every relationship has conflict, including the healthy ones. What is key is how the couple navigates conflict. Do they maintain respect for each other during conflict? Are they able to make attempts in understanding each other’s perspective (even in cases when they disagree)? Do they engage in healthy communication skills during their conflict (i.e., use of I-statements, etc)?

In life, people are bound to have disagreements. Even more so, 69% of conflicts in a relationship are “perpetual problems”—meaning, problems that don’t necessarily have a solution. So going into a relationship with the expectation that conflict should not exist is a highly unrealistic one. Thus, the mindset should not be to eliminate any and all conflict, but learning how to navigate conflict in a healthy way when they do occur.

A great partner is someone who has all the same interests as me.

This is more of a conversation about individual needs. If you specifically need a partner who shares particular interests (and it would be a deal-breaker for you otherwise), then that need might be one for you to prioritize as you date. However, partners do not have to have fully similar interests in order to have a good relationship.

The how is an important element in this one too. How do we navigate our differences? Do we honor each other’s interests? Do we provide support in each other’s life goals and dreams? How do we prioritize those goals and dreams in the relationship?

The beauty of humanity is all of our uniqueness and individual traits, even among those who are similar in many ways. We do not need to be similar to each other in order to have a good relationship. It is even possible for us to be able to share our diverse interests with one another.

My partner should be able to understand me or know how I feel without me having to communicate to them.

This expectation sets a very high bar for our partner—in essence, we expect our partner to have telepathy skills in their ability to read us. Although it is understandable where this expectation may come from (i.e., romance movies, etc), in reality, we are all human. Which means, we are all imperfect. Our human brain isn’t wired to pick up on everything or to read minds of others. And there will be moments when we are within our blind spots, and won’t see things or people clearly. This is inevitable for each and every person.

So while it may be nice to have a partner who is able to read us without any need for communication, we will likely be let down often if we put that desire onto others. We would benefit more instead from adjusting our expectations and perhaps learning skills to better communicate and understand each other. Communication skills is important in any arena in life, including in our relationships.

There is only one perfect person out there for me.

While I would not fully challenge someone’s sincere belief that there is only one perfect person, there are some flaws to consider in this line of thinking.

First is with the term “perfect.” As mentioned in the last myth, humans are built to be imperfect, so it sets an expectation of finding someone who may very well not exist. It also puts a lot of pressure on someone to meet and fully align with us in our subjective hopes and expectations.

Second, sometimes our concept of the “perfect person” ignores the factors and skills that create and maintain a strong, healthy relationship. In that light, it is possible for us to establish a good relationship with someone, without the need to engage in an arduous search to find that “perfect relationship.”

The focus then does not need to be so much about where you can find that “one perfect person,” but more about finding someone with whom you have a good connection and who has the potential to establish a strong, healthy relationship together with you.

Photo by Streetwindy.