How to Practice Self-Love

What is self-love?

Self-love means to hold your health and wellness as high priorities. It means relating to yourself in a loving and understanding way—just as we may relate to another person in a loving and understanding relationship.

Oftentimes we focus our primary attention on our relationships with others. However, I'm of the opinion that your relationship with yourself is just as important to develop and explore, and arguably a little more so, as how we relate to ourselves tends to get mirrored into our relationships with others. So just as you might think about how you relate to other people, ask yourself, "How do I relate to myself?"

In addition, these are good questions to reflect on: how do you talk to yourself when you are going through a stressful or difficult situation? How do you talk to yourself when good things happen? If a friend said the same things you say to yourself, would you consider that person a good friend? If the answer is no, then perhaps there is room to grow your self-love.

If you’re wondering where you can start, below are a few tips to practicing self-love:

Relate to yourself with compassion.

Relating to yourself with compassion means to acknowledge your feelings or experiences without judgment. You hold your experience in the context of empathy and common humanity, in that we all go through difficult times throughout our life journey, and that rough moments can be painful for any of us. And whatever we may be feeling, it is all okay. Think about what a compassionate friend would say; then telling yourself that in those moments.

Example: "It's okay to feel sad. Sadness is a part of the human experience."

"It's understandable why you feel frustrated by this. It makes sense because of X, Y, and Z. Take the time you need to feel what you're feeling, and we'll think about how to move forward when we feel ready."

Be a good inner coach.

It is common for people to have a tendency toward self-criticism or self-judgment, particularly in difficult times. Sometimes we may even think that self-criticism is a good means of "motivation." While it can be motivating in some regard, the consequence of self-criticism is feeling worse about ourselves or even de-motivating us in the long run.

Instead, it may be more helpful to think about what a good coach would say. If a coach was constantly berating you and criticizing you, would you feel encouraged and motivated? Part of loving ourselves is being able to coach ourselves in a loving way. Of course we may have areas of growth we want to push ourselves in and get better at, but persistent use of self-criticism will only encourage self-hate.

Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

Part of being human means to be imperfect, and being imperfect means that we will make mistakes. Criticizing ourselves for making mistakes becomes akin to criticizing ourselves for breathing. We all will make mistakes along our life journey, and many times, we need to make those mistakes in order to learn and grow as a person. So forgiving yourself means simply recognizing you are human. In this way, you are setting the stage for loving and accepting yourself for who you are as a human being.

Honor your needs and limitations.

Every person has their specific needs and limitations. An important act of loving yourself is therefore acknowledging what is essential to maintaining and taking care of your health and wellbeing, and honoring them in all aspects of your life (i.e., work, family, romantic, etc). Just as we may take special care of a valuable possession, we attempt to take special care of ourselves, recognizing we need to do so in order to maintain our mental health and sustain ourselves at an optimal level.

*****

If loving yourself is a new process, it may not always be easy at first, and may take time to nurture and fully develop. But when you set the intention to integrate practices for self-love into your life, you are communicating to yourself that you are valuable and deserve to be taken care of. Consider how you can communicate love to yourself, and then find a way to give yourself what you need.